Introduction:

         Once as a kid, my mom took me to Walmart where she unfortunately made the mistake of letting me wander into the toy section. Now I may only have had a couple of pennies in my piggy bank, but you bet I was going to walked out that store with a $20 toy I had spontaneously wanted. Of course, being my mom, she wouldn’t let me do that (God forbid she lets her 8-year-old make bad financial decisions). So instead, she pulled me the side and explained how I should be more like my sister, who’s just so much more financially responsible and is already saving up for college. And while these weren’t the best grounds for comparison, since I was 8 and she was 16, this was still one of the earliest recollections I have of feeling down on my luck because there was someone out there who had something I didn’t. And that habit of comparing? It had quickly expanded to school, sports, and every part of my life. But luckily, it's not just me, because to compare is human nature. As the American Psychological Association puts it best, our innate ability to compare is a manifestation of people’ desire to “evaluate their abilities and attitudes in relation to those of others.” So while it was created with the intention of helping us survive in society, it has slowly become an increasing threat to the very lives within our society. In the hands of many, social comparisons have become the source of their growing low self-esteem and continued destructive behaviors. By letting this issue go unchecked, we may be enabling a generation to grow comfortable with comparing at the cost of their livelihoods. So to prevent it from consuming our lives, let’s analyze its causes, effects, and possible solutions for our predicament.

Human Nature:

         To understand how the act of comparison has come to harm us, we must first understand its intentions to help us. According to German psychologist Thomas Mussweiler and Matthew Baldwin, an assistant professor at the University of Florida in 2018, “humans have developed elaborate systems of cooperation” far more complex than any other species. And “to…navigate this complex web of social interactions, we need to assess our and others’ social standing, strengths, and weaknesses.” Essentially, comparisons are made with the purpose of helping us better understand and cooperate with one another. But rather than embracing the idea of unity, comparisons have begun severing us apart for a rather simple reason. The problem isn’t fully the comparisons themselves, but the feelings that follow. Most infamously? Our innate feeling of envy. As Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton University, explains, “feeling below someone makes people feel ashamed at their own inadequacy.” Humans are complex: we not only want to fit in but also need to feel like we belong. So when faced with a person who’s perceived to be more socially or financially well off, our ability to compare clicks in. And in accordance with its design, it tells us that compared to that person, we are lacking, reasonably causing us to feel a little resentment. And while this becomes motivation for some to improve themselves, for many, this only worsens their sense of humiliation and shame.

Social Media:

          With the technology we have today, social comparisons have found its way from the screen into reality. Ever since Covid five years ago, when we were all pushed online as a means of finding connection in a time of isolation, we as humans have become more connected than ever before. But with people now being able to reach others further away, the audience for which our minds can compare ourselves to only continues to grow. This is all made possible by one of social media’s key specialties: the ability to curate the illusion of a perfect life. When we’re online, it seems that almost everywhere we look, being successful, rich, good-looking, and likeable all at the same time becomes the norm. And though it seems obvious that these are simply unattainable standards for the common person, it doesn’t stop our youth from taking the bait. In 2023, the CyberSmile Foundation found that out of all their Gen Z participants, a shocking 90% viewed their lives with negativity and dissatisfaction upon comparing themselves to others online. With how social media’s algorithm works, it’s not hard to see why. Social media’s algorithm runs on the community’s engagement, hence providing us with metrics like followers, comments, and likes. But ever so conveniently, all of these features happen to also serve as a quantifiable baseline for comparisons.

Lowered mental health:

         When the standard is this high but the expectation to reach them is even higher, failure is expected. But rather than realizing these expectations were unrealistic in the first place, many instead blame themselves for simply not trying hard enough to reach them. Now although my 8-year-old self ignored what my mom said and got the toy anyways, her words still lingered in my mind, effectively building a sense of competition, with my own sister. As time passed, it had begun to seem that it was no longer just how better she was with money. Now, it was also how much better she was at academics, organizing, handling responsibility, just better. Compared to her, my achievements as nothing. Until one day, I stumbled across my mom scolding my sister, and speaking that eerily familiar phase: “You should be more like your sister.” And when I had asked my sister how she could just bear with that, she told me: “Being 8 years older than you doesn’t exactly make comparisons all that fair. To compare us would be like comparing the capabilities of a coughing baby to a nitrogen bomb, so just do what you can do, and I’ll do mine.” Those couple of sentences had knocked me out of a trance, effectively making me realize that I was comparing myself with someone else on an uneven playing field. I had never once considered our age gap, never considered how her interest in math helped her in academics, how her OCD made it so she couldn’t leave the house unless it was spotless, yet I still compared. Because that’s the true nature of comparisons: they are never as fair as they seem.

Body dysmorphia:

Unfortunately, for the many caught in the same mindset as I did, the effects are not only a loss of self-esteem but also a physical toll on the body. As social media continues to promote its version of an ideal body onto the public, one where women are especially held at unhealthy standard, not only will people’s perception of their own bodies worsen but also body dysmorphia. As an article on the National Library of Medicine in 2020 explains, not only do patients of BDD have to live with a distorted self-image but they also have [higher rates] of “social isolation, anxiety…depression, and suicide.” So, for every day we let it go untreated, comparisons will only continue to take more lives. So it only seems right that today we make a change.

Comparisons as a tool:

         Now look, I can’t stop you from comparing, but what I can ask from you is to tweak the way you do it. An article from the Albert Ellis Institute tells us: “each one of us is a unique individual with characteristics and life events that are unique to only us.” The differences between two unique people are too large for any comparison to ever be fair, so instead of comparing ourselves to others, why not compare yourself to yourself? It can start with you from a year ago or even you from yesterday. Focus on how you’ve grown, how you’ve changed, the things you’ve learned. But what about the things you lack? Well, use it, as motivation to do better, to become an even better version of yourself tomorrow.

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Use social media as a place of connection, not comparisons:

         Just like our innate ability for comparisons, social media was also created with the intention of connecting and entertaining us, so let’s use it how it was intended. According to Dr. Erega, a Counseling and Community Outreach Specialist at The University of Texas in 2024, “instead of mindlessly scrolling and looking at what others have or are doing, send someone you know a private message.” Everyone is so unique, so why not use social media as a means to share our experiences with the world and forming genuine connections instead of trying to see whose life is better or worse?

Conclusion:

         So yes, social comparisons are kind of bad, but that’s only if we let them be. And how better can we stop them from hurting us anymore, than by making the change in our minds today.​​​​​​